For Whatever Reason…Here I Am

I’ve heard many times about the catharsis involved with blogging so I probably should’ve started years ago.  I’ve even gotten a few nudges to start writing over the last year, and I’ve ignored all of them until today, August 10, 2017, when I decided it was enough.  I’ve been interested in the spiritual genre for my entire life, so when I say “nudges” I mean some type of spiritual signal or coincidence from people, places, or things.  As a kid, I would read about the occult and witchcraft.  I’ve seen apparitions and I have pictures of me with unexplained orbs over the years.  My parents divorced when I was two, with one side of my family being Bible-reading, John Hagee-every-Sunday-watching, End Times-prophesizing Christians, and the other side being holistic, drum-beating, awaiting-the-New World Shamans and healers.  Being caught in the middle, I resolved not to be open about any of it.  For some people, as soon as they even hear “spiritual” or “New Age” they immediately get uncomfortable and tune out.  I completely understand, but these days I realize that being exposed to such polar opposites has greatly increased my perspective on life and the people around me.

When people see me, they see a 30-year-old single father of a perfect three-year-old son (Yes, you’d think he was perfect, too.  Believe me).  Or they see a divorced, medically discharged U.S. Marine Sergeant with a criminal record, gauged ears, tattoos, and a pierced labret.  What they don’t typically see is a spiritual-seeking empath that wants nothing more than to help fix what’s ailing this planet.  To be honest, when I look in the mirror I don’t always see it either.  Ultimately though, all those words are nothing but labels that attempt to define who I am, but the truth is I don’t really know who or what I am.  None of us do.  We are mostly empty space, no different than every single thing in this universe.  We are spiritual or energetic beings whether we like it or not, and the truth doesn’t require our belief in order to be true.  It just IS.  The universe is an illusion full of paradox, humor, and change.  One paradox I’ve personally experienced is that so much empty space can sometimes hurt so much.

Exactly three years ago, I totaled my motorcycle and spent three days in the Neuro-ICU.  No, I wasn’t wearing a helmet.  I consider August 2014 to be my RE-birth month, and that is for a couple reasons.  Not only did I almost end my life but I had also just started a new job, and by the end of the month I closed on my first house and my son was born.  It was definitely on top of my list for “Most Interesting 30 Days.”  It started me on a journey which has completely changed my perspective of the world around me, and the world within me.  I cut out alcohol, partying, and a lot of the garbage food we Americans enjoy so much.  I started meditating and reading as many spiritual guidance books and websites I could find.  The most interesting thing I think I’ve learned though, and what just about all the major spiritual teachers end up saying, is that everything I ever really needed was inside me all along.

After spending so much money on books and seminars I was slightly irritated that they were telling me to look inside myself.  After all, I was looking to them for guidance because I was lost, and they were telling me to turn around.  What makes me feel so upset is that I think a lot of the country, a lot of the world, is feeling a little lost right now and there’s nothing I can do to help them.  Many people are looking outside themselves for answers and they aren’t finding any.  We’re getting pretty fed up with the direction we’ve been heading.  It’s upsetting, but I’ve learned that in any situation we have one of three choices: accept it, change it, or leave it.  Since I can’t accept it and I’ll never leave my son, when I felt the most recent nudge to start writing I decided to go with “change it”.  At the very least, if one person stumbles across this and feels better because they aren’t alone, then it will have served its purpose.  More to come, but I feel better already.

-MAKE it a great day.

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